


Revelations

by MajorWolfe



Category: Holby City
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-09-25 16:14:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9828719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MajorWolfe/pseuds/MajorWolfe
Summary: When Bernie finds Jasmine crying in the locker room, she never for one minute thinks that it will lead to her finding out Marcus lied to her for almost 25 years.





	1. Marcus

**Author's Note:**

> I think I've fallen in love with the idea of Bernie being all maternal over Jasmine and so my imagination came up with this idea and wouldn't shut up until I wrote it, so here it is. I'd love to know what you all think.

Bernie frowned as she walked into the locker room to change at the beginning of her shift, “Jasmine?” she said softly, sitting on the bench beside the junior doctor who was curled up, knees up to her chest, head in her hands, “Jasmine what’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry” Jasmine took a shaky breath, “I, I’ll get out onto the ward” she said, moving to stand up but Bernie gently took hold of her wrist, stopping her leaving.

“Don’t worry about that, you can't go out there in this state, whatever's the matter?”

“I, I…” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she sat back on the bench, Bernie's fingers still clasped around her wrist, “I needed my birth certificate to get a new passport” she whispered, “I had a folder of My mum’s important papers, I” she shook her head and wiped at her eyes, “I couldn’t find it, but I er, I found this…” her voice trailed off to little more than a whisper as she passed over a single sheet of paper from her bag.  

Bernie unfolded the document, her face paling, bile rising in her stomach as she took in the words, not saying anything to Jasmine as she handed the page back to her and flew from the room without saying another word.

“Not getting changed?” Serena asked when Bernie stormed into their office, frantically rummaging through her handbag, “Bernie” Serena frowned, “what’s wrong.”

“Got to go” Bernie said when she finally found her car keys, not hesitating for a second before leaving the office.

“Go where?” Serena called as she began to follow Bernie, concerned about her partner’s sudden change in behaviour. “Bernie? Where are you going?”

“Marcus” Bernie jabbed at the buttons for the lift before turning towards the stairs, “going to find him. Going to kill him.”

Serena raced down the stairs after her partner but Bernie was too fast for her and Serena was barely out of the hospital when Bernie’s car sped past her on it's way out of the car park.

She drove on autopilot, only realising once she pulled up that she couldn't remember a single second of the fifteen minute drive. She sat in her car for a minute, looking at the house she used to call home. Marcus’ car was on the drive, she hoped that meant he was home, not that she cared if he wasn't, she had absolutely no qualms about going to his work, about letting everyone know exactly how much of a shit her ex-husband was.

It took her less than a minute to walk up the road to the house, knocking so hard on the door that for a second she thought It might give way, “what the hell…” Marcus frowned as he opened the door, “Bernie, what…”. He didn't get chance to finish as Bernie’s open hand connected with his cheek with a resounding crack, “what the hell was that for?” Marcus growled as his hand reached up to his stinging cheek as Bernie pushed passed him into the hallway.

“Chloe” she hissed, turning to face Marcus as she heard him shut the door behind her, “were you ever going to tell me?”

Marcus’ face fell, “how did you find out?”

“Really?” Bernie spat, “you've let me think that our daughter was dead for almost 25 years and that's all you have to say? She's a fucking F1 on my ward. I found her sobbing in the locker room this morning because she’d found her adoption certificate.”

“Oh.”

“Oh? Is that all you've got?” Bernie was furious, she could feel her blood boiling, her whole body shaking as she tried to stop herself doing something that would land her in prison.

“What do you want me to say” Marcus's shrugged.

“Tell me why you had our daughter adopted, why the fuck you told me she’d died. Tell me how the bloody hell you managed it without my consent. Tell me how, after giving away one of our children and lying about it for almost the entirety of our marriage, you had the balls to make me out as a bad parent in the divorce.”

“Paula was a friend, she didn't see her daughter and she'd just found out she couldn't have any more children, I couldn't cope, it seemed like a solution that would please everyone. And I got a solicitor friend to draw up a letter from you, put your signature on it, you were deployed, the courts took that as a reasonable excuse for you not to be there.”

Bernie began to pace angrily backwards and forwards, hands clenched tightly into fists by her side, “so you thought it was easier to go to all that hassle than to tell me you were struggling and ask me to come home. You thought it would please me to be told my baby had died? You absolute bastard Marcus, you make me sick.”

“You’d never have come home, you never bothered with the kids, poor Charlotte…”

“Poor Charlotte had a mother who was too scared to bond with her, a mother still grieving for a daughter she thought she’d lost, a mother terrified to love her in case she lost her too.”

“Well, what's done is done.”

Bernie shook her head, “I honestly can't believe you.”

“It was different for you, swanning off whilst I was at home looking after our babies.”

“Our babies that you wanted us to have.”

“Because I thought being a mother would make you into a proper woman, would get all that army crap out of your head.”

“And when that didn't work you decided to break my fucking heart by telling me my daughter had died? When in actual fact you gave her to a woman who had already put one child into care, a woman who cares more about herself than her children, a woman who didn't give our daughter the stable upbringing she deserved.”

“Her other child sounded like a brat, probably in prison by now.”

“Her other child is Jac Naylor, one of the country’s best cardio surgeons.”

Marcus was speechless for a minute before he asked, “have you told Chloe that you gave birth to her?”

“Jasmine, her name's Jasmine, and not yet. I fully intend to though, and I fully intend to do whatever it takes to keep you as far away from her as possible.”

“What about the kids?”

“If you mean ‘will Charlie and Cam be meeting their sister?’ then yes, if that's what the three of them want. And I'll tell them exactly why they missed out on spending their childhood together.”

“If you do, I'll tell them that…”

“Tell them what you like Marcus" Bernie interrupted, "after this bombshell then absolutely nothing you do would surprise me” she said, taking one last, disgusted, look at her ex-husband before heading back to her car, locking the doors once she was in the driver's seat and crumpling forwards, her head resting on the steering wheel as the tears she’d been fighting all morning finally began to fall.


	2. Serena

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments/kudos, I never imagined so many people would like this. Something I should probably have mentioned before though, is that this is set in an AU where Cameron has never worked on AAU (and he's never met Jasmine). I hope you all like Chapter 2.

Bernie took a moment to get herself together once her tears had stopped before driving back to the hospital, making her way back up to AAU, keeping her head down until she was safely back in her office.  She smiled slightly when she saw her possessions were no longer strewn over her desk, Serena had put everything back in her handbag for her.  Serena, she’d just lost her daughter, how on earth was Bernie going to explain this to her, how was she going to explain it to anyone when she didn’t really understand it herself.

“Bernie” Serena had seen her return and had made her way to the office as soon as she’d finished with her patient, “Bernie, what’s wrong Darling?” she asked, concerned for her partner, Bernie’s eyes were red from crying, her bottom lip swollen from the way Bernie had been biting it on her way home and her curls were even more tousled than usual after she’d spent what felt like hours running her fingers through them.

Bernie looked up at Serena, feeling more tears fill her eyes as she saw the worry on her lover’s face, “I can’t” she whispered, “I just… it’s…” she shook her head, dropping her gaze to her desk.

“Jasmine’s been off colour too” Serena reached out to gently play with Bernie’s hair, “she mentioned something about an adoption certificate and then you doing a runner?” the fact Bernie was openly crying in front of her worried Serena, she'd never seen Bernie cry before, knew she hated showing emotion, hated showing anyone that she was 'weak.'  


“She’s my daughter” Bernie whispered, her gaze focused on her desk, unable to bring herself to look up at Serena, “I had no idea, Marcus told me she was dead.”

Serena’s fingers faltered in Bernie’s hair, “I… I think you need to start from the beginning” she said, sitting on the edge of Bernie’s desk, gently lifting Bernie’s head into her lap so she could continue to play with her hair,knowing Bernie was more likely to open up to her if she could avoid eye contact.

Bernie took a shaky breath as she let her head rest on Serena's thigh, the repetitive motion of Serena's fingers combing through her hair helping her calm down. “After Cameron, I had another daughter, Chloe, there were, are, only fifteen months between them, it’s how Marcus and I planned it, two children close together so I only had to take one break from deployment, I worked in the UK while I was pregnant, helping train new RAMC recruits” she explained.  “We talked about it, agreed, when Chloe was four months old I was sent out to Iraq.  Less than three months later I called home and Marcus told me she’d died, sudden infant death syndrome” Bernie’s voice cracked as she replayed that day in her mind, “I, I’m sure you can imagine how I felt, but I was so far away from it all I tried to pretend it hadn’t happened, to carry on as normal, it was another month before I went home and by then Marcus had already had her funeral, he told me her ashes were buried under a rose bush in our garden.  I never asked about the death certificate.  I didn’t want to.  I had no reason not to believe him, I never for one minute imagined he’d lie to me about that.”

“And Jasmine? Serena prompted, “she’s Chloe?”

Bernie nodded, “I recognised the name as soon as I saw the adoption certificate, I had no idea” she finally looked up at Serena, “I had to find him, find out why he’d done it, why he lied to me.”

“Did you speak to him?”

Bernie nodded again and laid her head back on Serena's thigh, “he said he struggled with the two babies, that Jasmine’s mother couldn’t have any more children and it seemed like the ‘best’ option” she laughed bitterly, “he got a friend of his who was a solicitor to draft a letter giving my consent and then he forged my signature, the court took me being deployed as a good enough reason for me not being there.”

“Oh Bernie” Serena bent to kiss her head, “I’m so sorry.”

Bernie nuzzled against Serena’s thigh as she shook her head, “it’s not your fault, you don’t need to apologise.”

“Are you going to tell Jasmine?”

“I want to” Bernie whispered, “I should probably explain why I ran out on her earlier.”

“Take her home” Serena said softly, “she’s in no state to be working here and neither are you.  If you’re ready to tell her take her home, or at least somewhere more private than the hospital and talk to her, Raf, Morven and I can hold the fort here, and if I need an extra pair of hands I’ll call Ric down.”

“Are you sure?”

Serena nodded and gently lifted Bernie’s head so she could kiss her lips, “I’m positive Darling, you and Jasmine do what you need to do, don’t…” Serena took a breath to compose herself, “don’t miss your chance with her.”

Bernie stood from her chair so she could wrap her arms around Serena, “are you okay?”

Serena nodded, “yeah, I am, and you will be too, Jasmine’s a lovely girl and…”

“What if she doesn’t believe me?” Bernie asked, “what if she thinks I knew she’d been adopted and hates me for it?”

“I’m sure she won’t” Serena tried to reassure Bernie, “she’s worried she upset you this morning.  Why don’t I give you a minute to sort yourself out and then send her in? You can tell her I’ve given you both the rest of the shift off.”

Bernie smiled and kissed Serena’s lips, “thank you.”

“It’s okay” Serena ran her thumb under Bernie’s eyes to catch her tears, “just promise you’ll call me if you need anything, and, if you both feel up to it, bring Jasmine over for dinner tonight?”

Bernie nodded again, “I’ll see how things go and let you know.”

Serena nodded and stole a final kiss before leaving the office, allowing Bernie a few minutes peace to get herself together before she saw Jasmine again.

It was almost 10 minutes later when Jasmine knocked timidly on the office door, only stepping inside when Bernie called for her to come in, “Ms Campbell said you wanted to see me” she said nervously.

“Yes, erm, after this morning, Serena suggested we both take the rest of the shift off, so I can explain why I erm, why I walked out on you in the locker room.”

Jasmine frowned slightly, “are, are you sure?” 

Bernie nodded, “only if you want to.”

“Right, okay well…”

“Do you want to get changed?" Bernie suggested, "I’ll wait here, we erm, we can go back to my flat if that’s okay? I don’t...it’s not really a conversation I want to have in public.”

Jasmine nodded, realising that the conversation Bernie wanted to have with her was important, “okay, I’ll get changed now, I won’t be a minute.”

"Okay" Bernie said quietly, sitting back at her desk once Jasmine had left, her head in her hands, heart pounding in her chest as she tried to work out exactly how she was going to break the news to Jasmine.


	3. Jasmine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your comments and kudos, they really do help to keep me writing! This part is longer than the other to because I didn't really know where to split it up.

The drive back to Bernie’s flat passed in silence, “it’s not much I’m afraid” Bernie said as she kicked off her shoes by the door, watching Jasmine do the same before offering to take her jacket, hanging them both up on the coat hooks in the hall, “home decor has never been my strong point.”

“It’s okay” Jasmine shrugged, “I’ve never been one for masses of personal possessions, my Mum was never one for staying in the same place for long and, after being in the army, I suppose you know it’s easier to move if you don’t have a tonne of stuff.”

Bernie nodded, her heart breaking at the thought of her daughter growing up, never being able to make herself at home somewhere, never knowing when she’d have to leave the life she’d made for herself and move on, “the living room’s through there” she gestured to a door, “would you like a drink? Tea? Coffee?”

Jasmine nodded, “Tea please, milk one sugar and strong enough to stand the spoon in if that’s okay?”

“Of course” Bernie nodded, smiling as she realised Jasmine liked her tea the same way she did, “make yourself at home” she gestured to the living room again, “I won’t be a minute.”

Jasmine padded slowly into the living room, taking a moment to take a good look around, the walls were painted magnolia, a large rug covered most of the wooden floor, and there was just the bare minimum of furniture, a sofa, a coffee table, a TV hanging on the wall and a bookshelf in the corner of the room, filled to the brim with well worn paperbacks.  Jasmine made her way over to the bookcase, two photo frames catching her eye, one holding a photo of two teenagers, a boy and a girl, Bernie’s children Jasmine presumed, both laughing at something behind the camera.  The second photo was most definitely Bernie, several years younger, but she hadn’t changed, she was sat in a hospital bed, a huge, exhausted, smile on her face as she cradled a newborn in her arms, Jasmine smiled softly, her mum had never been one for photos, Jasmine wasn’t sure she’d ever owned a camera. She glanced over the books on the book case for a moment before cautiously sitting on the edge of the sofa, not wanting Bernie to think she’d been snooping.

Bernie meanwhile had flicked on the kettle in the kitchen before making her way into her bedroom, walking into the living room a few minutes later, a mug in each hand, a battered shoe box under her left arm.  She passed Jasmine her tea and put her own on the table before sitting beside Jasmine, shoebox on her knee.  “Earlier” she said quietly, “there erm…”  Bernie closed her eyes.

“Ms Wolfe” Jasmine put her hand on Bernie’s, “you don’t have to…”

“No” Bernie interrupted, moving her hand slightly to hold Jasmine’s, “I do.  There erm, there’s a reason you couldn’t find your birth certificate in with your mum’s papers” she admitted, taking the lid off the box and passing over a brown envelope from inside.

Jasmine frowned, “what…” she took the paper from the envelope and unfolded it, frowning when she saw her date of birth on the birth certificate, “I don’t…” she reached into her bag and pulled out the adoption certificate she’d found less than 24 hours ago, the name on the adoption certificate matching that on the birth certificate she’d just been given ‘Chloe Eliza Dunn.’ “You’re…” Jasmine looked up at Bernie after reading the rest of the details on the birth certificate, her eyes filling with tears, “you’re my mum.”

Bernie nodded, “yeah” she whispered, “I am.”

“Is that why you ran this morning? Did I, did it scare you? I can ask to be transferred if you don’t want to work with me, if you want me to…” Jasmine immediately assumed that Bernie didn't want her around that that's why she left that morning.  


“Jasmine, no” Bernie took her hand again, “yes it scared me, I recognised your name as soon as I saw it but I…” she took a deep breath, “I didn’t know” she whispered, “I went to go and see my ex-husband.”

“My Dad?”

Bernie nodded, “yeah, he erm, he had you adopted whilst I was deployed” she told her, “I had no idea, he…” she closed her eyes, “he told me you’d died.”

“Oh” Jasmine didn’t know what to do so she put her mug on the coffee table and shuffled closer to Bernie, wrapping her arms around her, her tears finally falling as Bernie pulled her closer, one arm around her waist, the other resting on the back of her head.

“I’ve missed you” Bernie whispered as she felt Jasmine’s tears warm in the crook of her neck, “I’ve missed you so much”

“I’m sorry” Jasmine sobbed as she clung to Bernie, “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, no.” Bernie rubbed her back, “you don’t need to apologise, if anything I should be apologising to you, I let you down, I should have been there, should have stopped him.”

Jasmine shook her head, “he shouldn’t have lied to you” she said as she sat up and wiped at her eyes.

“I erm, I kept some things of yours” Bernie held out the shoe box, “some photos, your hospital band, your first outfit and the blanket we brought you home in.”

Jasmine took the box and ran her fingers over the soft white blanket that was on top of everything, “can I…?”

Bernie nodded, “of course.”

Jasmine lifted out the blanket and placed it carefully on the coffee table, smiling when she saw the outfit underneath, a tiny pink babygrow with a rabbit on the front, a matching vest and a pale pink hat, ‘I love my Mummy’ embroidered along the front, “I was so small.”

Bernie wiped at her eyes, “Seven pounds five ounces” she smiled, “smaller than both Charlie and Cam.”

“Do you think they’ll like me?”Jasmine asked.

Bernie nodded and reached out to tuck a strand of Jasmine’s hair behind her ear, “I think they’ll be surprised, shocked at first but I think you’ll all get along just fine.  I’ll give them a call tomorrow, arrange to meet them so I can tell them about you in person.”

Jasmine nodded and smiled as she placed the baby clothes on top of the blanket and pulled out the photo album, thanking Bernie when she put the shoebox on the table too, “is that Cam?” she asked when she came to a photo of a small boy kissing the head of a newborn she assumed to be herself.

“Yeah, he’s fifteen months older than you, Charlie’s almost 3 years younger than you. Cam adored you, we were worried about him being jealous but all he ever wanted to do was kiss and cuddle you.”

Jasmine smiled softly as she gently ran her fingers over one of the pictures, “you look so happy.”

“I was” Bernie smiled, “and so were you, so calm and placid, nothing ever seemed to bother you, I’d wake up in the morning and you’d be wide awake, just gurgling to yourself, you hardly ever cried.”

“I think I’d have liked it” Jasmine told Bernie, “growing up with you as my mum.”  Bernie smiled sadly, not knowing what to say so just gently squeezing her arm instead.  “I… did you get me that?” she asked, pointing to a picture where she laid in a cot, a brown bear, almost as big as she was, by her side. 

“Yeah, it was the first thing I bought when I found out I was pregnant with you.”

“I still have him” Jasmine smiled, “I took him everywhere, he’s on my bed at home.”

They spoke for a while as they drank their tea, flicking through the photo album as Bernie told Jasmine everything she could remember about the baby she’d only spent a few short months with, “you look tired” she told Jasmine once they’d finished their tea, the photo album, blanket and clothes safely back in the shoe box.

“I am” Jasmine admitted, “I didn't really sleep last night, not after…”

Bernie nodded and stood up, “come with me.” Jasmine didn't question her and followed her down the small hallway, stopping in the doorway when she realised Bernie had gone into her bedroom, “come in” Bernie said as she turned from the chest of drawers she’d been looking in, “there's a bathroom just there” she gestured to a door in the corner of the room as she held out a pair of grey, checked, pyjama bottoms and a white t-shirt.

Jasmine was confused, “I don't…”

“These will be comfier than your jeans, so you can get some rest.” Bernie frowned slightly, “sorry, I'm being too forward aren't I, let me take you home, you don't want to…”

“Please” Jasmine interrupted, “I erm, I’d like to stay if that's okay?”

Bernie nodded, relief evident in her face as Jasmine took the pyjamas from her, “of course.”  She was sat on the end of the bed when Jasmine came out of the ensuite, placing her nearly folded clothes on top of the chest of drawers, “come on then, in you get.” Bernie pulled back the covers for Jasmine, smiling as she noticed the pyjama bottoms were far too long for her.

Jasmine got into bed, shuffling slightly to make herself comfortable before looking up at Bernie, “if it’s not too weird, could you lay with me for a bit?”

Bernie smiled and nodded, right now she’d probably do anything Jasmine asked, “let me get changed” she said softly, “then I'll lay with you until you fall asleep.”

She’d never been a good sleeper, never needed more than five or six hours, a trait that had come in handy, not only in the army, but as a parent, Cameron had been the sort of newborn who never slept so it had been Bernie getting up and down to settle him several times a night whilst Marcus got a solid eight hours rest. That was why Bernie was confused when she woke to the sunlight streaming through her window, in it’s sleepy state her brain knew she hadn't worked a night shift but it took her a moment to realise she must have fallen asleep as she laid with Jasmine. 

She was right, Jasmine, her daughter, was fast asleep in the bed beside her, hair splayed over the pillow and duvet pulled up to her chin. She gently ran her fingers over Jasmine’s cheek, smiling as she mumbled something incoherent and reached out to her in her sleep. Bernie was only too happy to oblige and gently took hold of Jasmine’s hand but it wasn't enough. Jasmine frowned slightly in her sleep before shuffling closer to Bernie, only settling once she was curled right into her mother, her head on Bernie’s shoulder, her arm draped over her stomach. Bernie wrapped her arms around Jasmine, “I’ve got you” Bernie whispered, “and God knows Jasmine, I'm never going to let you go again.”

Jasmine woke slowly a while later, stretching slightly but not opening her eyes, she couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so relaxed, and she was so comfortable.  She slowly opened her eyes a few minutes later and gasped, she was almost laying on top of Bernie, “sorry” she mumbled, cheeks flushing with embarrassment as she tried to pull away, “I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s okay” Bernie reassured her, “I don’t mind” she said, absentmindedly reaching up to play with Jasmine’s hair and smiling softly when she felt Jasmine relax against her.

“What happens now?” Jasmine asked quietly.

Bernie sighed softly, “I’d like us to get to know one another more if that’s okay with you? And, if it’s okay with them I’d like you to meet Charlie and Cam. I’ve not been much of a mother, they’ll tell you that, but I, I’d like to try.”

Jasmine nodded against Bernie’s shoulder, “I’d like that to. What, what do I call you?”

“I think we should stick to Ms Wolfe on the ward, but you can call me Bernie when we’re not at work, if you wanted to call me Mum eventually then I wouldn’t stop you, but I want it to be your choice, if you want to stick to Bernie then that’s absolutely fine.” 

Jasmine nodded again before frowning slightly, “are you okay?” she asked, “I can feel your heart racing.”

Bernie nodded, “just a little… apprehensive, I don’t want to make a mess of this” she admitted.

“I’m scared too” Jasmine said quietly, “that I’ going to do something, scare you off.”

Bernie tightened her grip on Jasmine, “it broke my heart when Marcus told me you’d died” she told her, “now I’ve finally got you back, nothing you say or do would make me leave.”

“Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me Jasmine, now, Serena’s invited us both round for dinner tonight, if you don’t feel up to going then that’s fine but I told her I’d let her know.”

Jasmine smiled, “dinner with my new Mums?” she mused, “I think I’d like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there we go, I tried to keep it fluffy to counteract all the canon Berena angst we're getting at the moment. I've quite enjoyed writing this little AU so I may add little Bernie/Jasmine oneshots to it later on as they get to know each other, feel free to let me know if you have any suggestions that you'd like me to write. :)


	4. Midnight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After having dinner with Jasmine, Bernie and Serena have a heart to heart once they're in bed.

“Why did you never mention her?” Serena whispered into the darkness that night, dinner had gone well and, despite being slightly confused, Jason had accepted the new situation, he liked Jasmine, but, after she let slip that she was a fan of Star Wars, she immediately became his new best friend, Jason telling her she could come and watch the DVDs with him whenever she wanted, so long as she arranged it with him in advance. “After Elinor… why didn’t you tell me you’d lost a daughter too?”

Serena rolled onto her side and even in the almost pitch black, she saw Bernie shrug, “your grief was yours” she finally admitted, “I didn’t want to intrude on that, I didn’t want you to think I was trying to take the focus away from you and Elinor.”

“You wouldn’t have done that” Serena said, reaching out to take hold of Bernie’s hand before asking, “do you, do you think you’d ever have told me about Chloe?”

Bernie shook her head, “I had almost 25 years of trying to compartmentalise, I’d shut it away in a box and did my best not to think about it.”

“Does it ever stop hurting?” Serena asked quietly and Bernie didn’t need to see Serena’s face to know there were tears rolling down her cheeks.

“I’m not sure” Bernie said honestly, reaching out to pull Serena close, “I don’t know if it stopped hurting or if I just got better at dealing with the pain, you have to remember that you’ve only just lost Elinor, I had 24 years to learn how to cope with my grief and I, I only knew Chloe for seventeen weeks, you knew Elinor for much longer, you had memories, you lived a life together, I, I never had that with Chloe.”

“Hey, no” it was Serena’s turn to pull Bernie close, “Chloe was your daughter, no matter how old she was when she, when you lost her, it doesn’t make your grief for her any less valid.”

“You’re coping better than I was” Bernie admitted, “I was, I just tried to block it out, I, it was 3 weeks before I told my commanding officer, I was living in a different world, it was easy to convince myself that I had a husband and two children waiting at home for me”

“That’s understandable” Serena gently stroked Bernie’s arm, guessing that she’d never really spoken about Chloe’s ‘death’.

“I, I didn’t sleep for weeks once I was home” she told Serena, I’ve never been a great sleeper as you know, but I used to sit on the floor in Cameron’s room just listening to him breathing.  I think, I think losing Chloe is what made me pull away from him and Charlotte, I thought that if I distanced myself from them, if I, if I convinced myself I didn’t care then it wouldn’t… then I’d be able to cope if anything happened to either of them.”

“Self-preservation’s a natural thing” Serena told her, “given the circumstances it’s completely understandable even if it’s not an ideal thing to do.”

“It took me four months to tell Marcus I was pregnant with Charlotte” Bernie whispered, “I didn’t, I was so set on, on not keeping her” it was something Bernie had never admitted to anyone, “after I lost Chloe I didn’t want another baby, I, I love Charlotte, don’t get me wrong, I love her, I love both, all three of my children so very much, but I suppose, as you said, it was that self-preservation thing kicking in.”

“What, what made you keep her, if you don’t mind me asking?” Serena asked, her fingertips still grazing up and down Bernie’s arm.

Bernie shrugged, “I guess I thought that I’d probably spend the rest of my life thinking ‘what if’ if I had the abortion, and that I’d probably still, in some way, grieve for her if I had a termination. I guess I wanted to do it for Cameron too, I was an only child and I hated it, he adored Chloe, I wanted to give him a sibling, I tried to tell myself that what happened to Chloe was a terrible accident, that it wouldn’t necessarily happen again.  I went back to work when she was four weeks old to distance myself but I banned Marcus from using sheets and blankets in her cot, she had a fitted sheet over the mattress and then we used those baby sleeping bags, he knew about Chloe though so it wouldn’t surprise me if he only used the sleeping bags when I was home.”

“I don’t know how he could do it” Serena whispered, “not only have her adopted like that but then to lie about it to you, to keep lying about it, it’s, well it’s incomprehensible.”

“Thinking back, he did seem to get over it pretty quickly but I just assumed he wanted things to be ‘normal’ for Cam, keep him in his routine as much as possible.  When I finally told him about Charlotte, he told me it’d be okay because it wouldn’t happen again, I thought he meant that we wouldn’t lose another baby to sudden infant death syndrome, I…” she shook her head, “why was Charlotte different, why did he let us keep her but not Chloe, not Jasmine.”

“I wish I could answer that” Serena said softly, “I really do.”

“You know” Bernie reached out to play with the hair at Serena’s nape, “I think Jasmine sees you as a mother figure.”

“Really?” Serena asked, nuzzling into the crook of Bernie’s neck, “what makes you say that?”

“Earlier, when I told her you’d invited us both for dinner and asked if she felt up to it, she referred to us as ‘her two new mums’.”

Serena smiled softly, “we always said AAU was like family.”

“I thought you meant metaphorically though” Bernie chuckled, “not that I'd end up working with my partner and my daughter.”

“I did mean metaphorically” Serena smiled, “but we’ve always known that you don't do things by halves haven't we Major?”

“It was your own fault for being so irresistible” Bernie told her as she stole another kiss.

“You tried though” Serena argued, “to resist me.”

“I did, but you won in the end, although I'm sure some people wouldn't class being stuck with me as ‘winning'.”

“I am not stuck with you, God Bernie, I don't even want to think what I’d have done if you hadn't been here these past few weeks, Jason and so have been so lucky to have you.”

“I wish I could have done more” Bernie admitted, “that I could have…” she trailed off as she felt Serena’s warm tears against her neck.

“I know” she whispered, “and I know that if you could have, then you would. I didn't notice anything was wrong, please don't blame yourself.”

“I won't” Bernie nodded, “as long as you stop blaming yourself too, it was such a subtle change, nobody noticed it, not you, not me, not Jasmine or Morven, it was only one GCS point she dropped, if that. It was just one of those things, yes it was tragic and obviously an awful thing to happen but nobody was to blame.”

Serena nodded, she’d heard that Elinor’s death wasn't her fault so many times she thought she might actually start to believe it one day, “I love you” she whispered.

“I love you too” Bernie replied almost instantly, “and I might not be able to bring Elinor back for you and I know it’s not the same but you've still got three children and a nephew who absolutely adore you Serena, no matter how long you spend grieving for Elinor, you've got us, we’re not going anywhere my Love.”


	5. Dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've skipped over Bernie telling Cameron & Charlotte about Jasmine because I thought a third chapter of her explaining what happened would be a bit boring, so here's the chapter where the three siblings meet for the first time.

Bernie tapped her fingers nervously against the polished wood of the bar, it had been almost three weeks since she’d told Charlotte and Cam about Jasmine and today her three children were all meeting for the first time.    


Charlotte and Cameron had obviously been surprised by the news they had another sister, Charlotte had left the room as Cam comforted Bernie, shaken at, once again, having to relive the memories of being told she’d lost her baby.  Charlotte joined them again a few minutes later, her cheeks blotchy and eyes red and Cameron had told Bernie later in the week that she’d stepped outside to call Marcus.  The self confessed ‘Daddy’s girl’ had asked her father if the story Bernie had told her was true, telling the man what a selfish, callous monster she thought he was when he’d confirmed that Bernie was telling the truth.  Charlotte had been staying with Cameron in the flat he shared with some friends, ever since.

Bernie, Charlotte and Cameron had spoken for a while, Bernie admitting, like she had to Serena, that she felt Chloe’s ‘death’ had caused her to pull away, the reason she’d distanced herself from her children wasn’t because she didn’t care about them, in fact that she cared too much that she felt like she needed to protect herself as she knew she’d never survive losing one of them if she loved them the way she’d loved Chloe.

“That’s her” Charlotte discretely tipped her head towards the young woman who had just walked into the pub looking slightly nervous, “it’s got to be”.

“God yeah” Cam agreed, “she looks like Mum doesn’t she?”

“Yeah, yeah she does” Charlotte nodded, watching Jasmine smile slightly when she saw Bernie at the bar, heading over and getting a hug from her mother.

“Hi” Bernie kissed Jasmine’s cheek, “how are you feeling?” she took another look at her daughter and shook her head, “don’t look so worried, they want to meet you, they wouldn’t be here if they didn’t.”

“I know, still a bit nervous though.” 

“Don’t be, they’ll love you, now, we were going to have a drink while we waited for you, what do you want?”

“A diet coke please” Jasmine started rummaging in her bag for her purse, looking up when she felt Bernie’s hand on her wrist.

“I’m paying for Charlotte and Cam, I’m not going to make you pay for yourself.”

“Thank you” Jasmine nodded as Bernie ordered another diet coke, passing it over along with a second glass.

“Mine and yours” Bernie told her as she picked up the other two glasses on the bar, “chin up, shoulders back” she smiled, “let’s go and meet your brother and sister.”  Jasmine felt the butterflies in her stomach as they neared the table, “Jasmine, this is Charlotte and Cameron, Charlie, Cam, this is Jasmine” Bernie said, putting their drinks in front of them and sitting down beside Cameron, leaving Jasmine the seat between herself and Charlotte.

“Hey” Jasmine smiled nervously as she slipped off her jacket, hanging it over the back of the chair before she sat down.

Bernie smiled as Charlotte and Cameron both greeted Jasmine before she picked up some menus and passed them round, “what are we eating? I’m starving.”

“God” Charlotte sighed, “I wish I had your metabolism, I’d be so much more appreciative of it than Lanky Larry here” she elbowed Cameron in the ribs playfully before looking up at Jasmine, “don’t tell me you’ve got it too? Can eat anything without putting on an ounce?”

Jasmine shrugged guiltily, “sorry.”

Charlotte rolled her eyes “thanks a lot Mum.”

Bernie laughed, “you're perfect just as you are Charlie, don't ever think you’re not.”

“God yeah” Jasmine spoke before covering her mouth, “sorry, I mean I'd love to have curves like yours, to actually have a proper waist and hips…” She looked up at Bernie, “no offence”.

“None taken” Bernie laughed and shook her head as she looked down at her menu.

“I bet you’ve got a great figure” Charlotte told Jasmine, “you just need to find things that will show it off. We erm, we could go shopping sometime if you want?.

Jasmine nodded, “yeah, I erm, I'd like that” she smiled as Bernie and Cam looked at each other, Bernie biting her bottom lip to stifle a giggle as Cam rolled his eyes. 

“So…” Cam broke the silence once Bernie had gone to order their food, “what’s it like working with Mum?”

“It’s good yeah” Jasmine nodded, “I mean, I was working with her for a few months before I found out she was my mum so she’s still just Ms Wolfe on the ward...it’s…” she shrugged slightly, “I don’t know” she laughed, “I’m still getting my head around the fact she’s my mum, I don’t really think of her like that on the ward.”

Cam nodded, “it must be hard, finding out what happened, we were both shocked” he gestured between himself and Charlotte, “I can only imagine how it felt for you and Mum.”

“Yeah” Jasmine nodded, “it was, well, it was quite a shock, not only finding out I was adopted but that my birth mother was someone so close to home, I think it’s still sinking in, it doesn’t quite feel real at times.”

“It’s bound to feel strange at first, but I’m sure you’ll get used to it eventually.”

There was a moment of silence before Jasmine spoke again “so erm, what is it you two do?”

“I dropped out of Med school about 8 months ago but I’m going to pick it back up again with the next intake, hopefully I’ll get placements away from Holby or St James’, unlike you I don’t think I could hack having one of my parents breathing down my neck all day” he joked.

“What about you?” Jasmine asked Charlotte, “are you in med school too?” she laughed.

“No” Charlotte smiled, “well, not quite, I’m a student pediatric nurse, I want to work in scbu or nicu eventually.”

“Wow” Jasmine gasped, “that’s amazing.”

“Really?” Charlotte blushed slightly.

“Yeah” Jasmine nodded, “I know I couldn’t do it, I bet it’s such a rewarding job.”

“I know it’s not being a doctor but…”

“Don’t put yourself down, I’m sure Cameron and your mum will both tell you, us doctors wouldn’t be able to do what we do without nurses.”

“I completely agree with that” Bernie said as she sat back at the table, Cameron nodded adding in his agreement, “and I’ve told you before Charlotte, you don’t need to keep justifying your decision to be a nurse in a family of doctors, you can do whatever you want to do as long as it makes you happy, but I for one will tell you that my job as a doctor is made so much easier by having a good, strong nursing team working with me.”

“And you’re the one’s the parents will remember” Cam told her, “especially in nicu or scbu, you’ll be there supporting them, they’ll only see the doctors now and again but the nurses will always be there.”

Conversation turned to lighter subjects as they ate their food, Bernie smiling happily as she sat back, watching her three children interact.  They spoke about their interests and hobbies, Cameron and Charlotte even inviting Jasmine to a gig they were going to in a few weeks time and making other plans to meet up again in the near future.  Bernie was relieved that the three of them got along, but not as relieved as Jasmine, Bernie could see how much she’d relaxed since she’d arrived, she no longer looked tense and nervous, and, as they all laughed at some story Cameron had told, Bernie almost forgot that it had been less than an hour since the siblings met for the first time.

The three of them were exchanging numbers and social media details when Bernie came back from ordering their deserts and another round of drinks. “How old are you?” she laughed, shaking her head at the three excited faces in front of her when the waitress brought over the huge ice cream sundae they’d decided to share.

“I thought you’d know that” Cam quipped, “seeing as you’re the only one that was there for all three conceptions and births.

“Yes I was” Bernie nodded, “and I’m the only one that knows you were a pain even before you were born” she told him as she swatted at his arm.

“You know you love me really” Cam winked cheekily at his mother.

“I do” Bernie nodded, “I probably don’t say it nearly as often as I should but I love all three of you.”

Cam nudged Charlotte, tipping his head towards Bernie, “recon she’s getting soft in her old age?”

“Shame you’re not growing out of that whole ‘being a pain’ thing” Bernie raised one eyebrow, “although I suppose there’s still time, you did grow out of wetting the bed…eventually…” 

Charlotte and Jasmine both giggled as they tucked into the desert and shared a knowing look. “Why do I now feel like the three of you are going to be constantly ganging up on me?” Cam pouted as he took a spoonful of ice cream.

Charlotte shrugged innocently, “probably because we are”

Bernie smiled as she watched her children, all three of them, sharing the same ice cream, she could never have dreamed of this moment, a few months ago she didn’t think she’d ever see Charlotte again either but now here she was, having lunch with all her babies.  She picked up her phone, snapping a picture just at the right moment as all three of them leaned in to help themselves to more of the desert, instantly setting the picture as her lock screen image.

“Mum, mum?” Bernie looked up as she was brought out of her daydream, thinking about the future with Serena and her children, “are you okay?” Charlotte asked, looking concerned.

“Yeah” Bernie smiled, “I’ve got two beautiful daughters and a pain of a son” she winked at Cameron to let him know she was joking, “and I've got an amazing girlfriend waiting at home for me. I don’t think I’ve ever been better.”


	6. Making Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After last night I think we all need a bit of happy (and alive) Jasmine in our lives. I'd had most of this chapter written for months, last night was the kick I needed to finish it & hopefully the next chapter won't take me so long!

Bernie looked up when she heard a tap on the open office door, smiling when she looked up to find Jasmine stood in the doorway, “everything okay?” she asked, the night shift was unusually quiet so Bernie had left Jasmine and Morven on the ward whilst she caught up with some paperwork, knowing they’d come and get her if they needed anything.

Jasmine nodded, “I erm, I'm taking my break, going down to Pulses, Morven’s already given me her order, I just wondered if you wanted anything?”

Bernie glanced at the clock, 5am, the coffee shop would just be opening, “let me check Morven will be okay here and I'll come with you if that's okay?”

Jasmine nodded, smiling happily, “that’s fine.”

Bernie grabbed a twenty pound note from her purse once Morven had reassured them she’d be fine on her own for 10 minutes and promised to call Bernie if she needed anything. Jasmine hadn't known Bernie as her mother for long, just a few short weeks, but she knew instantly that, no matter how much she protested, she wouldn't be paying for her own coffee.

“What are you having?” Bernie asked predictably once they reached Pulses.

“It’s okay” Jasmine gestured to the money she had in her hand, “I can…”

“Don't be silly, what do you want?”

“I said I'd get Morven’s too” Jasmine tried to object.

“Well then you’d better let them know what she wants too” Bernie held up her hand when she saw Jasmine about to protest again, “I get a decent salary as a consultant, buying coffee and muffins for two junior doctors won't bankrupt me “

“If you're sure…?” Jasmine said, still not used to having a parent willing to do something as simple as buy her a coffee, she got simple nod in response from Bernie and gave the barista hers and Morven’s order.

“Are you okay?” Bernie asked in the lift on the way back up to AAU, noticing that there seemed to be something on Jasmine’s mind.

“Can I ask you something?” she asked, “in your office?”

“Of course” Bernie nodded, “go and give Morven her coffee and then come in” she smiled, making her way back into the office.

“Are you doing anything on Thursday?” Jasmine asked once she was sat at Serena’s desk a few minutes later.

Bernie shook her head, she’d seen the rotas, she knew they both had the day off, “I've not got anything planned, why?”

“Could we do something?” Jasmine asked nervously, “for Mother's Day? I know we’re going out on Sunday but I erm, I'd like to do something just the two of us if you don't mind.”

“Of course I don't” Bernie smiled, she and Jasmine were still getting to know each other, she understood why she wanted them to do something without the others. Jasmine and Serena were both working on Mothering Sunday so Bernie was going to spend the day with Cameron and Charlotte, and, as it was Serena’s first Mother’s day without Elinor, it had taken a while to convince her to join them, along with Jason and Jasmine, for a meal after her shift, “do you have anything in mind?”

“I'd like to take you somewhere if you wouldn't mind driving? It erm, it's a bit of a hike from the car park though, is that okay?”

“That's fine, and if course I don't mind driving, what time shall I pick you up?”

“I can come to the flat if that’s easier for you?”

Bernie shook her head, “I'll pick you up if that's okay? Just in case I stay over at Serena’s on Wednesday.”

“Okay” Jasmine nodded, “about 10ish?”

“Are you sure that’s not too early?” Bernie teased, whilst Charlotte was an early riser like her mother, Bernie had soon found out that Jasmine, like Cameron, could sleep for weeks if she didn't have a reason to get up.

Jasmine blushed slightly as she nodded, “I'll be up” she promised.

The rest of the shift passed without incident and Bernie found Morven and Jasmine in the locker room at the end of the shift, “do you fancy grabbing some breakfast?” she asked as she pulled her clothes from her locker, Jasmin and Morven already changed, it wasn’t a strange request, the team often went for breakfast together after a night shift, the same way they’d go for drinks at Albie’s after a day shift.

Morven shook her head, “I’m meeting a friend later” she told her, “gonna go straight home and try and get a few hours before I meet her.”

“Okay” Bernie smiled, “Jasmine?”

“Yeah” she smiled shyly, “I erm, that’d be nice” she turned to Moven, I’ll make sure to be quiet when I come in so I don’t wake you.”

“Don’t worry about it” Morven shrugged, “I think once I close my eyes I’ll be out for the count.”

Bernie smiled, “give me 10 minutes to get changed?”

“Sure, I’ll erm, I’ll meet you downstairs?”

Bernie nodded, “sounds good to me.”

Jasmine was stood in the lobby talking to Dom when Bernie came downstairs.  Bernie smiled at her and discretely tipped her head to the door, letting Jasmine know she’d be waiting outside.  “Sorry” Jasmine apologised as she came out a few minutes later to find Bernie sat on a bench, a lit cigarette between her lips.

“It’s okay” Bernie smiled, “ready to go?”

Jasmine nodded, “yeah, I am.”

“Have you ever thought about learning to drive?” Bernie asked as she drove towards a cafe not far from her flat.

“Once or twice but it’s expensive, and fitting lessons round my shifts seems like a lot of effort so…” she shrugged, “maybe one day.”

“I’ll teach you if you want?” Bernie offered, “I taught Cam, Marcus insisted Charlie had a proper instructor though.”

“Really?” Jasmine grinned, “you’d do that?”

Bernie nodded, “not when we’ve just both come off a night shift but you get your provisional, I’ll sort out the insurance and then we’ll go out one evening and find a quiet car park or something for you to try and master the basics.

They fell into a content silence as they walked from the carpark to the cafe, both smiling when the waitress pointed out they had more in common than their looks when they both ordered the same breakfast, both asking for extra mushrooms.

“So” Bernie asked as she stirred her tea, “where are you taking me on Thursday?” Jasmine dropped her head, nervously twirling a serviette between her fingers, “you don’t have to tell me” Bernie said quickly, “I can wait and see if you’d rather.”

Jasmine shrugged, “it’s nowhere special, just somewhere I used to go when things at home were too much and I needed to clear my head.”

Bernie reached over to squeeze Jasmine’s hand briefly, “in that case, I feel honoured that you’d share that place with me.”

“Did you ever… I mean, did you have somewhere that you went if you needed any space? I mean, I know when you were in the army you couldn’t have…” she shook her head, “it doesn’t matter.”

“No” Bernie shook her head, “I didn’t have anywhere specific, I just used to go for a run, it didn’t matter where I was I’d just go running, that always seemed to clear my head, let me think about whatever I needed to think about.”

“Do you still run?” Jasmine asked.

“Yeah, I try and get a quick run in most mornings and a longer one on my days off.”

“I erm, I used to run cross country when I was at school and I joined the team at uni too, it’s been a while since I last ran though.” Jasmine admitted.

“You’d be welcome to join me if you wanted” Bernie suggested, thanking the waitress as she brought over the food.

Jasmine shook her head, “I wouldn’t want to slow you down.”

“I wouldn’t mind” Bernie shrugged as she reached for the brown sauce, Jasmine going for the ketchup, “we could give it a go on Thursday if you like, if you feel up to it once we’ve been out.”

“Are you sure?”

Bernie nodded, “if you want to” she smiled, neither Cameron or Charlotte ever showing any interest in jogging with her despite both being fairly athletic.

Jasmine nodded and smiled, “yeah, okay then.”


End file.
